A Corner Turned??

We *may* have turned a corner today!! I say may, because I can't get my hopes up too far.. lol. But this week, I have been in contact with a local Senator's office who then called the State Insurance Commissioner's office. After calling United Healthcare SEVERAL times and getting the run around, the Senator's Secretary contacted a rep from UHC and let them know what was going on, and the steps that were about to take place and with in 10 min we had our paperwork!! So today the Insurance Commissioner's office contacted me to make sure everything was going well and I felt like things were getting done now. Also, the lady that called gave me her direct line just incase I have not gotten the approval by Monday or Tuesday! I am getting excited now.. I am still aware that something could go wrong.. but I feel good about it now!! So I am cautiously excited.. Caleb's medicine run out in 10 days, so I hope this works!!!

No insurance... again..

So once again, we do not have insurance STILL.. I called before I sent the fax to All Kids just to make sure I had everything, since that was what kept stopping us from getting it all done last time. I didnt. I need a Certificate of Creditable Coverage from my former crappy insurance. I should have known that, and should have had it. But I didn't know, and didn't keep it. It seems like such a simple fix, call the previous insurer and ask them to fax me a copy. Except when we called they said the fax could take up to 10 days to get. REALLY??? A fax?? Apparently its some internal department, which they say has no phone so they can't call and ask them to do it now. They can only send a request for them to do it. That was on Friday. I called back a few hours later and spoke to someone else and explained the situation to them, they said they would mark it urgent and we would have it by the end of the day. We did not. So Monday I called back, spoke to someone else, who said the same thing. Again, we did not. So I called back Monday afternoon and spoke to someone else who informed me that even when its marked Urgent, it can still take up to 48 hours. And because they have no way of calling them, they can't get them to hurry. All they can do is send the request, but they have no idea when they will see it.... I don't really believe this, do they expect me to?? So, once again we have missed our evaluation appointment. Caleb's medicine will run out in 10 days, and we can not afford both an eval and the medicine. I mean we are talking like 500$ out of pocket. We just simply don't have that. As I am typing this, I am thinking about what I can sell to come up with it if we need to... its ridiculous that it has come to that though. Its so overwhelming and frustrating... here we are, playing the waiting game, AGAIN.

Help! ADHD is controlling our lives!

Right now, ADHD is controlling our lives. All day long, its on our minds, in our face, and limiting my son in what he can and can't do. I have no idea what to do at this point, and im sure my friends and family are tired of hearing about it, so I am blogging.... blogging so I don't go crazy!

This is my son, Caleb. He is 6 years old. He is in Kindergarden here at a local public school and making wonderful grades. He also plays t-ball, which from what I hear isn't as competitive in other areas, but in our area it's just as competitive as the other leagues. He loves it, he thrives off of the competition and honestly has natural talent, when he can control himself.

First diagnosis:

Caleb's first diagnosis was when he was 5, we were desperate for a solution to our problems. Everywhere we went it was like "Oh... they are here." Caleb is a riot.. he is hilarious.. but he is absolutely bouncing off the walls 24/7. He is always touching someone, tossing something up in the air to catch it, running (can he walk??), talking and laughing... all at the same time! He is that child that when he is not there, teachers breath a sigh of relief and say to one another "he's so sweet but he just gets my whole class in an uproar" or "he's really sweet but wow is he hyper!" Everywhere we go people say things jokingly like "does he ever stop?" or "wow does he wake up running?" and the answer is always NO he never stops, and YES.. yes he does wake up running.

Finally, he was about to start kindergarden, and was already in T-ball and we realized, he really is different. He really does have a problem.. its not just that we don't have enough patience. (which is what we thought) His Sunday School teachers always told us how smart he was, but they just couldn't get him to calm down, his t-ball coach was telling us how great he could be if he would just reign that hyperness in a little. So we finally broke down and called the Dr. for an appointment.

When we were in the room, the Dr. started asking me what was going on, he was going through the checklists that we all had to fill out about Caleb... and the whole time Caleb is bouncing in his chair, poking me, grabbing my hand and slapping his head with it, sliding off of his chair and across the floor, making siren sounds... etc. I begin to tell the Dr how his hyperness is affecting our whole life, where we go, how long we stay, and its even causing strain on my marriage at this point because my husband and I are always so high-strung trying to keep up with him and calm him down. Finally after about 5 or 10 min the Dr says, I think its obvious what is going on here and I am going to start him on 5mg of Focalin XR and you should begin to see great improvement immediately. WOW!! We were very excited to try it! We gave it to him the next morning after breakfast and just watched to see what would happen. It was amazing.. he was calm! I was nervous about how calm, because I didn't want to change him... just tone him down a bit. After a few days of VERY calm.. he normalized and just a regular child that still laughed all the time, ran when appropriate, and talked when it was his turn... etc. It was AMAZING!!

NOW:

We have been having insurance issues. My husband works for a private company, and the insurance payments got to be so expensive and the coverage so bad we couldn't afford it anymore! We were paying 400$ a month for ins, but still having to cover at least 2-300$ of medical bills each month! So we had to drop it, and apply for all kids (through BCBS). We are having such a hard time with that... hopefully we should have it by the end of the week. But we have been told that a few times.. LOL

At this point, ADHD is taking back over our lives. Caleb's teacher is sympathetic, and has been informed on our insurance problems, so she has been fantastic about it. She has told us that after 10:30 his medicine is almost gone, and by lunchtime completely worn off. Thankfully after lunch time they usually go outside so that helps. His t-ball coach has put him back in the outfield and told us we are seemingly back to square one with him. Thankfully maturity has kicked in at this point so he isn't touching everyone all the time, he just can't sit still.. and can't focus on anything for more than about 30 seconds. He got hit with a ball while playing 3rd because he just wasn't paying attention, and the coaches can only tell them so many times to pay attention and watch the ball.

As a mom it is EXTREMELY devastating to see your child excel in something on his meds, then do so poorly and get so frustrated with himself when they aren't working. To see him and see that he feels so defeated, tossed aside.. because something he loves is now something he dreads going to. Its not about baseball... its about his self-esteem. ADHD is like a monster, that robs my child of his true self. No one can see who he really is, because he is too hard to deal with. I see him crying on the sofa because he wants to be in the in field, where he excels, but he just can't because he can't pay attention. Its sad to see all of his other friends passing him in ability, not because he isn't good, but because he has no concentration. ADHD has taken away something he loves... and im angry...

ADHD on parents:

All that time before meds we had thought we just didn't have enough patience and we were bad parents because our child drove us crazy! Always climbing on your, sitting on you, touching you, talking, jumping on you, running in circles around you... it sounds mean to say "honey please go sit in your seat a few minutes okay?" But really.. how much can you take being climbed on?? How many times can you say "stop doing flips in the living room before you crack your head on the coffee table" before you as a parent start to go nuts??

And amid all the crazy, stressed out emotions is desperation.... and loneliness. Desperation because you WANT YOUR CHILD BACK!!! You want to see him happy and enjoying life.. he is a kid, that is what they are supposed to do!! But mine can't.. he can't enjoy life because its passing him by while he is going 150 miles an hour. He can't enjoy life because he isn't able to slow down and do his best at anything. And loneliness because it feels like no one understands what you are going through. All they know is you are the one with the child that never stops. All I know to say right now is ADHD sucks. In my prayer time I am asking God WHY... I know there are worse things we could be dealing with.... I know that! But it doesn't make me stop wondering why! Why does my child have to be robbed of happiness? This is something he will have to deal with his whole childhood... WHY? I know your not really supposed to ask God why... but I am. I hope that this time next week we will be feeling differently... I hope that the insurance will have gone through and we can keep our 8 am on April 4th evaluation and get him straightened out. I need encouragement and understanding... Caleb needs encouragement and understanding... right now I just NEED things to go back to normal! We saw what life can be like... then it was taken away. Hopefully next Monday morning we will be singing a different song.